Triggered. It's a word we use often in our house these days. But it wasn't always that way. It used to be that when my heart started racing, and I'd feel the panic set in, and the ground felt like it was about to crumble under my feet, that I'd turn to extreme anger, start crying hysterically, maybe hyperventilate, and sometimes even put a hole in a wall or throw things.
It's not something I'm proud of, but it's something that no longer holds shame for me. For years, I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was just angry, and that this was just a meltdown because I was broken. Now I know that these were severe panic attacks that manifested as this blind rage, brought on by past trauma that was never dealt with properly.
Once I learned what was actually going on...
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Have you ever felt hopeless about your anxiety? Been frustrated because for whatever reason you can't go see a therapist? Maybe it's your husband who doesn't believe in therapy, or your culture, or maybe insurance won't cover it, or you don't have insurance? Have you ever wondered if you'll ever be able to "get better" and "live a normal life"? I see you, friend!
Not so long ago, my life looked a lot like that too. Not going to a therapist was my own doing, because of the shame I felt (let's please end the stigma that therapy means you are failing!) and because I didn't want to dig into my pain because I felt like if I did, it would be too much and would drown me. I felt hopeless and frustrated, and wondered what the point of life was, if I was always going to be so miserable.
Then, almost miraculously...
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If you asked me four years ago about mindset, I really wouldn't have had a clue. I've learned a lot in the past four years, about myself, about the world, about healing. And one of the most important areas that keeps coming up, and interweaving all of these other things together, is mindset. But what is mindset, and really, why does it matter so much? And maybe most importantly, what can you do to improve your mindset?
Simply put, mindset is your beliefs about yourself and your personal qualities and abilities. It is also your beliefs about whether you can grow and change those qualities and abilities, or if you are "stuck with what you've got". Truthfully, whichever camp you fall into, growth mindset or not, it's true. Because if you believe you are stuck with what you've got, why would you put any effort into improving? But I am living proof, and have seen hundreds of others as proof too, that if you believe you can change and grow, you will. Even if you are somewhat skeptical, but have a deep desire for growth, great things can happen. But how?
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I got triggered again last week. My husband said something that was poorly worded, I took it personally, lashed out at him, triggered him, he got defensive, which triggered me even further, and before we knew it we were both angry and hurt.
This used to be a daily occurrence, consistently triggering each other by our reactions, continuing into a downward spiral until we were yelling, crying, or not speaking. It happens far less now, but it still happens sometimes. And what we've learned over the past few years is that when we start to trigger each other, when we start to react out of hurt and anger and insecurity, it probably means our quality time is lacking. When we look back on the past month, the evidence speaks for itself.
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Like most moms I know, when it comes to keeping a clean and tidy house, it’s kind of like a train wreck. I know a few moms that have super tidy spotless homes, but that is the exception, not the majority. I hope, for your sake and your family’s, that you are in that minority group that seems to have all your stuff together. But if that’s not you, I've got you!
A few weeks ago a friend posted a live video launching a free video course to help moms get their house and life under control. I know this girl, and I can say that she is one of my favorite people to follow because she is actively investing in herself and her family’s future through personal development. She recently launched a homeschooling blog, and it’s already doing great. Honestly, she’s someone I aspire to be like.
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