Motherhood

First of all, what does 2E even mean? Well, it's an abbreviation for twice exceptional. What this means is that the person, often a child, has 2 exceptionalities. Typically is means giftedness + disability (often learning disability or disorder) but technically it can be any disability/disorder, not necessarily giftedness. What I'm talking about today is specifically giftedness + learning disability/disorder which affects their maturity (usually something related to executive function). My experience with myself and my child is ADHD, sensory issues, and anxiety, but this could also easily apply to children on the autism spectrum.

So, why is it so dang hard? The disconnect lies in the difference between their emotional maturity (or really immaturity) and their intellect. These kids are so incredibly smart, often functioning at a level 2+ years ahead of their biological age. However, their emotional maturity is often that of a child 2+ years younger than them. So at best there is a 4 year age gap between intellect and emotional maturity. For some reason we (I anyway) am drawn to focus on the intellect. I want to focus on the fact that he's so incredibly smart, and that he can comprehend such complex concepts, that I (incorrectly) expect that he should behave like a child 2+ years older than his biological age too, or at the very least a child who is his same biological age. But that's completely unrealistic because his brain isn't wired that way. His brain lacks that emotional maturity, it just hasn't developed as quickly as most kids his age, so it's really unfair to expect his brain to do something it can't, just because he's so smart.

In my experience, these unfounded expectations lead to a good portion of the conflicts in our house. When we expect him to function in a way that his brain is not yet ready to function, we set ourselves up for failure and heartache. I recently had this illuminated for me in a previously unseen area...

For several years, people told me how high functioning I am for someone who has ADHD. I didn't see it. I knew that I enjoyed keeping busy, but I didn't really see it as an accomplishment or something I could help others with. Then my son was diagnosed with ADHD, and I felt very ill-equipped to help him. That was 4 years ago. Since then, I have learned so much, and really so much in the past year! I often told him how ADHD could be his superpower if he would learn to use it to his advantage, but until recently I still didn't believe it for myself.

A couple months ago I pivoted in my business to serve postpartum moms, feeling like that's where I was being called, and where I would continue to serve for the foreseeable future. I struggled so hard when I became a new mom, and having my second child in August 2021, it was a good refresher in just how hard those first few months can be, which made me even more confident in my choice to serve new moms. I was so sure about my choice, that when I saw a friend was taking classes to become a postpartum doula, the lightbulb went on and I quickly enrolled as well.

I started sharing content for new moms immediately, and enjoyed doing so. About the same time though...

Just a few years ago, life was really dark. I often wondered if my family would be better off without me. I didn't want to end my life, but wished I could just fade away, slowly being erased from existence so no one would hurt when I was gone. I now know this was a result of multiple traumas in my life which caused severe panic disorder. At the time, I just thought I was really screwed up and carried the fear that life would always be this painful on my shoulders like a 1000 lb boulder.

I'd often heard about a "gratitude practice". It was this catchy trend at the time, all the popular social media influencers were talking about it. *Cue the eyeroll* But the way they said it would help, while I wasn't nearly convinced, sounded great. I desperately needed help, needed something to change if I had any hope of surviving this season. I felt utterly alone, while being surrounded by people who I knew loved me and were trying to break down my walls.

For so many, today is joyous. For others though, it can be bittersweet, or downright hard.