Wow, it's been a whirlwind! The past 4 months have been crazy as I became pregnant (at almost 40!), became a published author for the first time (more to come on this soon!), and had a relapse in some severe anxiety and mild depression (thanks a lot pregnancy hormones!). I've wanted to write this post for some time now, but honestly just haven't had the physical or mental energy to give it the time it deserved.
A couple months ago I participated in a 90 day challenge put on by my business mentor, in her free group Heart-Centered + Successful with Martha Krejci. During one day of the challenge she asked us to share one way we've impacted the life of another person with the way we are serving others daily. Since I am still pretty new in the serving arena, and because I'm still working on my self-worth, this threw me for a loop at first. I'd never had a coaching call with a client before, never written a book, created a course, and my free group was still teeny tiny at the time.
But then I remembered something my therapist had shared with me a few years ago. I started seeing a therapist when I was battling severe anxiety for the first time, or at least the first time I was really trying to work through it and heal from my past. I had a very different blog at the time (nothing mental health related), but had written a post about World Suicide Prevention Day. I shared that blog post with my therapist and gave her permission to use it in any way she thought could help others. She in turn shared it with some struggling teens that she worked with. A few weeks later, she shared with me that one of the teens came back to her the next day and told her she had planned on committing suicide that night, but because of my blog post she decided to live to see another day. She couldn't tell me more than that because of confidentiality, but to know that I helped someone to hold on for another day touched my heart in a way I could never express in words.
Sometimes I still doubt myself and what impact I am truly making in the world. Some days my life is a hot mess, and my house is a "shit show" as I tend to call it, and my kid acts like a hooligan, and my husband and I still have blowout fights occasionally, or all I can do is lie in bed (on my side, thanks again pregnancy) with my feet propped up because I'm too exhausted to move and I need to drain the fluids back out of my feet so they don't swell up like last time. On days like that, it can be hard to remember my place in the world, my purpose. But then I think back to that moment when I realized I saved a girl's life, and it lights a fire inside of me again. Because what if I hadn't written that post at all? What if I'd been too tired, too busy, too scared, too apathetic? That girl wouldn't be here today, she would never know that life could get better. Do I truly know what happened to her? No, of course not. But I choose to believe that she is still here, and that maybe she is even helping others to live another day too.
If you would like to read the original blog post, it can be viewed here. If you or someone you know might be suicidal please visit CrisisTextLine.org or TWLOHA.org for more help. Please don't suffer in silence or alone, and please don't do something that can't be undone. You are loved more than you know, and you are worthy of healing.
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