Does Marriage Counseling Actually Work??

The short answer is yes, yes absolutely marriage counseling can work. Notice I said can. It doesn't always work, and there are a few things you may want to consider before jumping in head first.

First of all, for marriage counseling to be effective, both partners need to be on board. If only one is invested in it, it will most likely be one sided, and will lead to resentment, which can further damage the relationship rather than healing it.

That's not to say counseling can't help your marriage though, even if your partner isn't interested in going. Individual counseling can be just as helpful for a marriage. As living humans, we all have some sort of baggage in our lives, and that baggage gets carried through our lives and into our marriage. Maybe it is trust issues due to trauma. Maybe it is an unachievable standard you feel you are expected to live up to because your parents' love was performance based, and now you feel like you are constantly failing. Maybe you have a mental health issue like ADHD or Bipolar Disorder and your spouse doesn't know how to deal. Maybe you are just tired AF because you work a full time job, are trying to raise three tiny humans, and also trying to take care of your house and run a small business on the side. Counseling can help with any and all of these issues!!

I am a HUGE supporter of individual (and couples) counseling. If it weren't for me finding a good therapist three years ago, I literally was on the verge of telling my husband I needed to go to an in-patient treatment center. My anxiety and depression were THAT bad at the time. And now, my depression is completely gone, and anxiety is 95% gone. It still creeps up occasionally, and sometimes it takes me a bit to beat it back, but I am now, maybe for the first time truly in my adult life, a fully functioning adult. (That's not to say I never screw up or act like a child. I am human and do dumb shit sometimes still!).

So, if you are struggling in your marriage, definitely seek counseling. And if your spouse is not on board, even a little bit, please don't let that dissuade you. Please don't think your marriage can't be saved just because your partner isn't on board. Sometimes, it takes one person making the big leap for the other to get on board. And sometimes you may find out that working through the baggage you are bringing into your marriage is enough to create a more peaceful marriage.