Motherhood

I get tired of the sleepless nights, and the feet in my face. Tired of the early mornings, but never tired of the sweet little smooches at 5:30 am, no matter how tired I am. I get tired of the tv, and arguments about playing ball in the house. Tired of saying “hurry up”, all the “no”s, and the “please use your listening ears” moments. Tired of the accidents, and boo-boo’s that aren’t that bad (but create huge drama), tired of the doctors visits, and all the money spent on silly things.

Lately my shame gremlins have been working overtime. They tell me I am not a good enough mother. I am not patient enough. I am not raising my son to be respectful and honorable. They tell me that I am not a good enough wife. I am not making my husband feel loved, pursued, respected. They are telling me I am not skinny enough. I am not fit enough. I don’t run fast enough. They are telling me I don’t make enough money. I am not trying hard enough in any area of my life.

The New Year is a time of reflection for many people, and one of the things I’ve been reflecting on is how to be a better parent. While I love my son very much, and am often told by close friends and family that I am a great mom, sometimes I don’t feel that great. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am doing a good job, just by seeing the sweet, loving child that I am raising, but I also know I could be doing much better.

I tend to spread myself too thin, and I think this is probably one of my biggest struggles with parenting. I want to do it all, and then there is very little left to give to my munchkin. Life is all about seasons, and I am in a season of learning and growth, which are two of my favorite things, so I tend to jump ALL IN and commit to too many things. Keeping busy is my way of running from my emotions, so it is hard for me to slow down. But this year, one of my BIG goals is to be a more present mom (and wife). At the end of my life, I want my son to be able to look back on all the memories that we created together. I don’t want him to look back and remember that mama was always too busy to play with him.

Ok guys, so yesterday morning was pretty rough in our house. Like, child lying on the floor screaming and crying because no one would feed him (he’s 3!!!) his waffle, having a total meltdown because momma picked the wrong shoes (after giving him the choice, which he refused to make), and whining about wanting his gloves and beanie in his backpack in case he gets cold at school (the high today is 78º). Some days are better than others, and I get that, but I feel like things have escalated for us lately. Gabe is at a really difficult age right now, so I want to acknowledge that too. He can be super sweet and silly, but he can just as easily turn into Mr. Opinionated and even be manipulative at times. Part of that is his intelligence. I’m sure we all think our kids are super smart, but Gabe is just that. He knows what he wants, when he wants it, and usually, how to get it, too. While I absolutely want to foster his independence and persistence, I feel like it is past time that he also learns a healthy amount of respect for his elders, especially his parents. I feel like we have been trying to be his buddies, which has worked well, but with this stage in his life, he needs parents, not buddies. So I started looking up “how to teach kids respect” on Pinterest. Wow, were there a ton of ideas!! Most of them were good, but there were a handful that really hit me in the gut and convicted this mommy. I’ve compiled my list of best tips below, and we will be implementing these ASAP. Keep reading to see what we will be changing.