Last week my therapist asked me to write a letter to my dad, telling him all the things I appreciated about him. She knew that I was holding on to years of anger from my childhood, which really had nothing to do with my dad, but that I was directing toward him. She also knew how much I respected and loved him. The intent was never to send the letter, just to dig up those feelings of love an appreciation. The process was so healing, and the result so beautiful, that I ended up sticking it in an envelope and mailing it to him. A few days later, through tears, he called me to thank me and to tell me how much it had meant to him. You see, I wasn't the only one holding on to anger and trauma from the past. Reading the words I had written, realizing that I did love him and appreciate him, even when I acted like a brat at times, even when we fought, even when I didn't agree with his vision for my life, was healing for him too. Here is the letter I wrote.
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“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’Mara
I saw this quote today and was struck with just how true and inspiring it is. For the longest time, I had made SO many excuses for my dad. He lost the love of his life. He was doing the best he could. We were not easy kids. The list goes on and on. And while all of these things may have been true, it does not change the fact that a very strong sense of perfectionism, fear of failure, and unworthiness was ingrained in me, from the time I was a teen.
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