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For so many, today is joyous. For others though, it can be bittersweet, or downright hard.

You may have thought, but I don't know how to follow my intuition. I don't even know what my intuition is telling me. Friend, I've got you! I had the same problem for years. People would talk about following your gut, but I didn't have a clue what that meant. My gut constantly betrayed me by sending alarm signals (aka anxiety) when I was faced with any decent sized decision. Even when I wasn't faced with a decision, I felt anxious that something bad was going to happen, that the bottom would fall out. In case you are wondering, that can be a result of trauma in your past. It was for me. And it really made decision making difficult, for years. Eventually though, I started to figure out what it meant to tune in to my intuition, and I want to share that with you so you don't have to stay stuck where I was.

First though, let's talk about why you'd even want to. According to heysigmund.com a significant study showed that the intuitive part of your brain actually knows the right choice before the analytical part of your brain does. So basically your intuitive brain takes in subtle cues from all around you to determine which choice makes the most sense for you. This can be so incredibly helpful if you can tune in to your intuition and use it to your advantage when taking on life's big decisions. But how do you do that?

I could tell by the look on his face, he was getting ready to dig his heels in. And I could tell by the feeling in my chest, I was too. We were about to be locked in yet another battle where no one could win. We both thought we were right, our ego needed us to be right. But instead we were both going to lose. Not the argument, one of us would win that. But we'd both lose another small piece of that connection we have by engaging in another battle of the wills.

I knew from a very young age that my 8 year old has the same strong will that I was gifted with. It is a gift, but at times, especially when parenting a strong willed child, it can seem like a curse instead, for both of you. Sometimes it's just about the ego, but more often it is a cry for help and attention. You see, we've been through several big life changes over the past two years. First dad stopped working when the pandemic shut everything down. He stayed home with our son to do virtual school for months. Then we moved from Florida to Georgia last July, had a baby in August, and started homeschooling in September.

Sometimes when kids are acting particularly nasty and defiant, it's a reflection of the turmoil that is happening internally. It's really no wonder he's struggling with everything that's gone on. And the cherry on top is that he had to leave his amazing therapist in Florida and we've struggled to find a decent one since moving to Georgia. We are still looking, but in the meantime there are things we can do at home to help ease the battles.

There we were again, engaged in another yelling match. It would surely lead to hurt feelings, mom shame, and possibly tears. But I just couldn't help myself, and neither could my 8 year old. As two very headstrong individuals, these battles have been raging since he was old enough to realize he had an ounce of power to say no. It used to be worse, much worse, because toddlers, and also because I was far less healed back then. But it still happens far more often than I'd like to admit.

Before I became a mother I had these grand plans that I'd be a gentle,  hippy dippy type mother. I had no desire to co-sleep (joke's on me there!) but I didn't want to spank, or be super strict, or be a yeller, and I didn't want to be the reason my children needed therapy. I thought I'd be nurturing and talk about feelings, and all that warm fuzzy stuff. And we do sometimes. My parents were FAR from abusive. They were honestly pretty great parents most of the time, and their shortcomings were simply because they were doing the best they could with what knowledge and emotional intelligence that they had at the time. But I do remember one time being genuinely scared, because I'd just pushed too far and they were only human. I didn't ever want to cause my children to feel that fear. And then I became a mom...

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." As children we are taught that this is the way to treat people. But what if there's something better that we can do? Something that will truly honor each person's individuality and meet them exactly where they are? What if following The Golden Rule is actually hurting other people, albeit without our knowledge or intention?

I was recently on a call with my mentor where she was sharing about different personalities and how to speak to each one. She briefly mentioned that we often treat people the way we would like to be treated, but should really be focused on how they would like to be treated. And then it just clicked.

How often have you been in a disagreement with a family member or friend, and you two just can't seem to work it out? How often have you asked someone for a favor, tried to persuade someone to do something, or tried to influence your children, only to have things go totally sideways? The problem isn't them. And it isn't you either. So, what is the problem then?